Tuesday, October 28, 2008

Girls really are mean.

I've been struggling lately with how best to help my daughter. Big Girl is in pre-K this year, and she's encountered her first bullies. Two girls in particular seem to cause her trouble, telling her she can't play with them, bossing her around, telling her she smells bad, that sort of thing. I've discussed the issue with her teacher, who was already aware of the problem and is doing what she can to alleviate it. For my part, I've been talking about it with Big Girl and trying to offer suggestions, such as playing with other kids, telling the bullies to stop, and ignoring their remarks. I take some comfort in knowing that neither girl is likely to attend her elementary school, and yet there may be others there who don't treat my sweet girl with acceptance and kindness.

I've never been socially adept. That seems to complicate everything for me - I really don't know how to tell her to respond. She's lovely, intelligent, fun-loving, and kind, and it's hard for me to understand why anyone, even a little bratty girl, would say or do anything to hurt her. My lack of understanding does little to address the problem, however. How can I equip my beautiful girl for a world that's proving irrationally unkind to her at this tender age? She loves school - loves the learning, the art, the teachers, and her friends - and I want to make sure her love for learning and experiencing new things remains intact. So in my usual nerdy way, I'm reading some books in search of guidance. Any other ideas?


Shannie said...

No advice, but had to comment... We are going through something similar with my THREE YEAR OLD. I just can't grasp it, either. It breaks my heart.

I talk with her teachers daily and they are doing all they can to help the situation... I talk with Avery about it, too. And the teachers have talked about it all with the preschool director...

We condsidered moving her to another class, but decided to leave her. Her situation is a bit different, though, these girls just paired off into little cliques and left her out. But they were telling other kids, not just mine, they weren't their friends.

However, it really does seem to be improving. Thanks to one of the little girls moving away and the constant communication with the teachers, my child, etc...

Anyway, it's heartbreaking to watch this happen to one of your kids... Sorry that I didn't have something more helpful to say, other than continue communicating with her teachers and your child. Which I know you'll do... Poor baby!!!!

Good luck.

fairyflutters said...

I don't know that I have any good advice.

I would tell her to just ignore the mean girls and make friends with the nice ones. That's what's worked for me in the past.

I hate that women can be so cruel just like little girls. :( Crazy that it starts *this* young.