Thursday, July 30, 2009

Noggin's great conspiracy

The folks at Noggin have developed a grand conspiracy to drive me insane. If I see the insipid, saccharine previews for The Fresh Beat Band, f/k/a The Jumparounds, one more time, I may lose it. The lame lyrics and bubble gum pop tunes are already affixed into my brain, stuck there like old gum on the under side of a desk. And to think, I've read rumors online that Noggin cut the fabulous Jack's Big Music Show in favor of this drivel.

Wednesday, July 29, 2009

That "Christmas is coming" feeling

I've got that strange feeling in my stomach - the fluttery, jumpy sensation that I used to get as a kid when I couldn't wait to see what Santa would bring me. My whole body feels jittery, and not just from the pain meds I'm still taking. So many things are about to change - good things, for the most part - and I feel as though I'm on the brink of something new and different.

Hubs is graduating with his MBA tonight. After 18 long months, he's finished. He's been so busy, reading, working on projects, writing papers, that it seems almost like he's been traveling and has just come home again. There are so many things I want to do that have been put off for the last year and a half. Places I want to go as a family. Projects I want us to do together. Time spent together in the kitchen, cooking and baking delicious things. And now that he's finally finished, now that he will have a little more time for us and a little less stress, it's like I don't know or remember what I wanted to do. If I'm being honest, I've really resented his absences and his lack of time and attention to our family for all of these months, and now that he's (theoretically) back, I don't know how to handle it. The kids and I have developed routines and practices that will have to be adjusted to include him, and, well, I'm bossy and stubborn, so that might be a little harder for me than it sounds on the surface.

Beyond that, our little Big Girl is beginning kindergarten next week. I can't believe that's she's old enough for that. I'm sick with worry that she might encounter bullies and/or mean girls again this year. The thought of her at school all day, while I'm on the other side town, brings me to tears. She's confident and excited and eager for school to start, so I'm trying not to let my unsteady emotional state affect her.

Three will be in preschool again. He'll still be nearby, in the preschool at the church where I work. He's a little jealous of his big sister who has plans to ride the school bus to her new school, but I'm relieved that I'll at least have him close to me for a couple of years yet. Plus he's a little more sociable and outgoing, so I haven't had the same concerns with him. Big Girl has some of my nervousness and unease about large groups of kids her age - I always do better with one-on-one situations when it comes to making friends. I try not to read too much of myself into her life, because I think that could get dangerous. But at the same time, I don't want her to have the difficulties, the painful experiences of feeling like an outsider that still plague me today.

On a positive note, I'm almost finished with the kidney stone business. The pain and the difficulty getting anyone to treat them have taken a toll on me. I'm prone to being a slacker anyway - I'd rather read books than get the house in order almost any day - so the disorder in my house has grown into full-fledged chaos in the last five months. I feel as though I've lost so much enthusiasm and interest at home and at work. I just hope I can figure out a way to revive the drive I used to have. I've been thinking that writing more regularly here may help in that regard - to give me some accountability.

Tuesday, July 28, 2009

What a difference

At this point it's largely psychological, but I already feel much better following yesterday's lithotripsy. Just knowing that the most painful stone has finally been targeted helps my mood tremendously. I'm in a lot of discomfort, both from yesterday's procedure and the surgery last Friday, but emotionally I just feel... eased. I've been dealing with pain on an almost daily basis since late February, and for a long time I felt so frustrated, waiting and waiting for a doctor to take action instead of hypothesizing, waiting for the day of an appointment or test to arrive. I'm not ready to sing on rooftops by any means, but I'm so desperate to feel normal again, and I hope - fingers crossed - that soon I will again.

Monday, July 27, 2009

And another one bites the dust...

My kidney stones have proved exceptionally stubborn, but after two lithotripsies and one ureteroscopy, I'm almost finished with them. Praise God.

Tomorrow I have the last lithotripsy - ironically, this one will finally target the stone on my left side that caused the initial pain that got me started on this long road - and I hope and pray that the little thing will be blown to bits and will make a hasty exit. This weekend I've been recovering from Friday's ureteroscopy, and with any luck tomorrow's procedure will be quick and effective.

Then I will start doing whatever I can to prevent stones from forming again. It's hard to find a lot of definitive direction on the topic, but I'll be drinking lots of fluids, particularly lemonade, and avoiding dehydration. There may be some dietary changes I can make as well. I'm still trying to figure out more on the subject. This bout has been the worse kidney stone episode I've experienced, but not the only one by a long shot. I wouldn't wish these on anyone.

My garden has survived and produced well despite my uneven attentions to it this summer. I had hopes of blogging the gardening "experience" more thoroughly, but I've just had too much on my plate thus far. Fortunately the fam and I have enjoyed some delicious squash, fresh corn, and tomatoes, and I've got oodles of hot peppers to use at present, too.

And Hubs is finished with all of his coursework, ready to graduate later this week, so perhaps the two of us can get back to some of our favorite cooking conspiracies in the coming weeks and months! I'm so proud of all of the work he has put into getting his MBA, but I am also incredibly relieved that it's finally complete!

Monday, July 6, 2009

Down with kidney stones!

Death to all kidney stones! Begone!

1 down, 3 to go. This is taking forever, and I have only slightly more patience than my (sometimes) adorably impatient daughter...