I haven't shared this news with many people who see me, in person, on a regular basis. And I'm notoriously weak when it comes to keeping exciting news to myself, so I decided to share the news here so I have somewhere to discuss it.
I am pregnant. Thought I might be coming down with swine flu, but no. It's morning sickness.
This was a bit of a surprise, albeit a wonderful one. Less than a month ago, I was talking with my doctor about the slim chance that I would conceive without some sort of intervention - fertility meds, etc.
I am thrilled about the prospect of becoming a mother for the third time. I am also terrified. Terrified that I might miscarry (I hesitate to type the word, even). Terrified that the baby will have health problems. Terrified that I will be sick as a dog for the whole pregnancy and thus unable to give my kiddos the time and attention they deserve.
This complicates life in a lot of ways. I haven't said anything at work yet, because I know that it's going to be... weird. If my guesstimate of the due date is correct, the baby will arrive right around the time I should be running the show for VBS. Ironically my efforts to do that last summer were thwarted by the first of my lithotripsies. Plus I don't exactly get time off or benefits or anything at this job. It's part time, salaried but with some very specific requirements. Certainly having a baby at the end of the school year or early in summer is a better time in other respects, but it will make things tricky at work.
Plus, well, we're already busting at the seams in this house. We have too much stuff, and I've been working on paring down our possessions, but we still only have three bedrooms. The baby can stay in our bedroom at first, but eventually? Not sure that we'll be able to fit in this house. And that means the possibility of moving. Ugh.
I am so excited to be pregnant. If I stop and think about it for a minute, I get a goofy grin on my face - my inability to keep this expression hidden led to me to tell my parents the news within a couple of days, because they would know I was (poorly attempting to) hiding something.
On a related note, if you're reading this and you see me in person on a semi-regular basis - mum's the word! Say nothing! I need to figure out what all of this will mean, plus when the baby is actually due (due date's a bit uncertain at this point, without an ultrasound to date), and I want to wait until I feel a bit more secure about the pregnancy too before I share the news broadly.
In closing, two succinct sentiments: Barf! and Yay!